by Stacy Turley | Jul 22, 2022 | Life's Journey |
On three occasions at different times in my life I have been asked to create a timeline of all the major memories and events that I can recall…good or bad…from my past. This is quite a task as I have a lot of years under my belt! Each time I complete a task like this I seem to recall negative or traumatic memories more easily and more often than positive memories. Why is that?
According to WebMD, “Researchers say negative emotions like fear and sadness trigger increased activity in a part of the brain linked to memories. These emotionally charged memories are preserved in greater detail than happy or more neutral memories, but they may also be subject to distortion.”
I can relate to this statement. And it is likely many of us out there do too. It may be one of the reasons why there has been a trend for years to write down the good memories we are experiencing in a Gratitude Journal to improve our mental health. This week I did exactly that as I saw God moving in my life in several areas within a few days. Not only did I want to remember this in the future, but I also wanted to give thanks and praise to God for hearing my cries and responding to my needs.
One of the areas where God met me this week was in regards to Social Anxiety. The summary of events over three days are below:
- On 7/12/2022, I told my counselor that I have been struggling with a bit of social anxiety. In all honesty, I purposefully left it to the last 5 minutes of our session because I really did not want to talk about it. (Sorry, Kim!)
- On 7/13/2022, I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts That Sounds Fun with Annie F. Downs and she was interviewing Carlos Whittaker. They had mentioned that he too had a podcast on the That Sounds Fun Network. I was intrigued by their conversation, and I truly enjoyed listening to Carlos. So… I added him to my Podcast list.
- On 7/14/2022 while walking my dog, I switched on the latest podcast show on Human Hope with Carlos Whittaker. It was Episode 66 with John Eldridge. The title was “A guide for restoring your soul after a soul crushing 2 years.” It was about John’s book Resilient. And guess what…it was about social anxiety.
Each day God gave me one nugget in order to walk closer to hope and healing as He gently guided me to multiple conversations and resources to address the stress that I was feeling and praying about.
THANK YOU, JESUS, FOR HEARING ME AND ALSO YOUR PERFECT TIMING!!
I am so grateful for God’s nuggets. For the moments when I see Him moving in my life through a conversation, an event, or a podcast! I have written about this particular event in my journal and I know it will bring encouragement to me in the future when I read it again.
QUESTIONS TO PONDER: Please share your thoughts in the Comments Section!
- Do you keep a gratitude journal? If so, do you an electronic version or paper journal? Tell us about it in the Comments!
- How has recording what you are thankful for been an encouragement to you?
- What are you thankful for today?
“All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.”
~ 2 Corinthians 4:15
PRAYER: Abba, Father. Thank you for hearing me this week. And thank you for hearing the prayers of all of us. Thank you for meeting us in our weakness so you may show your strength and glory. You promise to never leave us…that we will never be alone. Please allow us to continue to feel you in our joy and in our sorrow. You are our mighty Father and we love you. In Jesus’ name…Amen!
Hugs & blessings, Sweet Friends,
Stacy
by Stacy Turley | Jul 19, 2022 | Life's Journey |
I have been on a journey to develop and deepen my friendships with other women. (See Life’s Journey #3 for more on this.) I have felt that I have a lot of general friendships, but not many deep friendships where I feel that it is safe to talk to them about anything, at anytime, and without judgement. Other women with whom I may go on girls’ trips or a girls’ night out or simply stop by their house to catch up unannounced. So being the Type A / planner / overachiever / list-maker / Enneagram 1 person that I am, I felt like I needed to come up with a strategy to “make” this happen and do it “right” as well as some questions on how to execute this strategy well. Here are some of the bullets I wrote down: (Please hold your laughter.)
FRIENDSHIP STRATEGY & QUESTIONS:
- I need to find three other friends who are interested in developing deeper friendships together.
- I need to get us all to read the same book on friendship to discuss and work through ideas.
- I need to schedule weekly get-togethers face-to-face with all of us because studies show that people develop closer relationships when they spend time together.
- Do I need to invite the three other people?
- Or do I ask my friend(s) to also bring a friend?
- If we don’t all know each other, will this still work?
- Do we add outings/activities along with the meetings or is this in place of meetings?
Seriously…I actually took this list with me to one of my recent counseling sessions to discuss since I was having difficulty figuring out how I was going to get this to work. Oh, boy! Even as I read this now I am embarrassed that I wrote it, let alone, discussed it with my counselor. I can only imagine the notes she took on that session! To say I am an overthinker may be an understatement. As all good Enneagram 1’s, I have a constant inner voice that is evaluating every scenario and judging myself on how I responded or behaved. I am constantly thinking in terms of black or white & right or wrong. I seem to find few gray areas when I am in an unhealthy state of thinking.
WHAT AM I GRATEFUL FOR IN ALL OF THIS?
- My counselor’s wise advice. She gently told me that maybe “a more organic approach” would be better in my desire to deepen some of my relationships. Rather than the rigid structure and rules that I was trying to define.
- Yep!! Good idea!! I think I would have scared friends away with my strategy rather than draw them near for a deeper, more authentic friendships.
- Scripture about friendships and relationships to help guide me while keeping God at the center.
- See below for some verses to encourage and support all of us in our relationships.
A FEW FAVORITE VERSES ON FRIENDSHIP:
- Proverbs 17:17 – “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
- Proverbs 27:17 – “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”
- John 15:13-15 – Jesus stated, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”
- 1 Corinthians 15:33 – “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.”
If you Join the Circle, then you will receive my FREE Scripture Journaling Worksheet on Friendship and Relationships in the Circle of Friends Chat-Mail Newsletter coming out in July 2022.
Our attitude towards ourselves, others, and our Lord will define our relationships. The Truth of God’s Word will help us understand not only what makes us a good friend to each other, but also the tremendous value we will experience within these deep relationships. We are not perfect. We will make mistakes along the way and need to seek forgiveness for our actions from our friends. But with a solid foundation of time, trust and experiences together as well as the example we have in Christ to offer forgiveness, we have hope that our closest friends will be with us to walk through this life together even through the tough times.
QUESTIONS TO PONDER: Please share your thoughts in the Comments section.
- Who are your closest friends?
- What qualities or characteristics in the relationships have facilitated the deep connection you experience with these friends?
- How do you handle conflicts, disagreements, and painful circumstances with your friends?
PRAYER:
Abba, Father. Your Word is filled with wise advice on how we are to treat others and be in healthy relationships with each other. Your Truth about healthy relationships is not as the world defines it, but it is based on love, trust, and forgiveness as displayed in your Son, Jesus. Thank you for the gifts of your Son who walked with us on earth and died for our sins; the Holy Spirit who is in us to guide and counsel us; and your unconditional love which sets an example of how we may love others the way you love us. Lord, this is not an easy task. Please give us the strength and patience to forgive and love well; to have a servant’s heart; and to be a good friend. Amen
Hugs & blessings, Sweet Circle,
Stacy
by Stacy Turley | Jul 1, 2022 | Life's Journey |
Hello, Sweet Circle of Friends. Last week, I was on my second Silent Retreat. It wasn’t at a conference center or hotel or hermitage. I found this little gem on AirBnB in December 2021. It has been my own little miracle from God. It is a tiny, little house that sits in a tiny, little, boutique town next to a not-so-tiny walking trail that stretches for miles and miles. The house has been completely gutted and remodeled, and it is chucked full of charm with all the personal touches from the owner, Randa. I LOVE the house and I LOVE times I have spent with God there.
Last week was no exception. I had 36 hours of silence and solitude to pray, read, walk the trails, and listen for God’s nudges. I rested and napped too! It was divine. During my time of silence and solitude, I am completely unplugged from the world. I have all electronics off…not just silent, but OFF. No TV…no radio…no phone…no computer…no kindle… no talking. You get the point. It was just me, my Bible, my favorite pen & journal, my study books (paper), the lovely outdoors and, most importantly, chatting with our loving God.
I felt God drawing me towards two topics last week. They were topics that came up during my recent sessions with my amazing counselor Kim. (Counseling is great, my Friends. I highly encourage it!) One of the topics was my need for deep friendships. We all need deep, friendships. People we can call up at any time because we lost our job or found an amazing deal at Target or feel guilty because we snapped at our kids or just need a shoulder to cry or laugh on and we don’t even know why.
I read and discovered some great nuggets on friendship during my time with God and the resources that I took with me. I wanted to share just a few of the nuggets with you.
The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship by Jonathan Holmes
- “Adam needed community in order to better image the God who is community. He was created to pursue, develop, and maintain human relationships as an integral part of being made in the image of the triune God.” (page 20)
- “Biblical friendship is intended by God as an all-encompassing spiritual discipline that engages every aspect of who we are: how we think (cognition), feel (emotion), and act (volition).” (pages 31-32)
- “Biblical friendship is developed organically. It takes patience, commitment, and liberal applications of grace.” (page 61)
- “We need to live with a mindset that resists substituting technology for friendship or chitchat for conversation.” (page 67)
Time, patience and grace are so critical for deep friendships. In order to grow deeper in relationship with another person, it takes TIME together…face to face. Living life together and communicating from the deepest places of our hearts. This takes PATIENCE too in order to give each other space to share without our comments, judgements or advice. I am reminded that we have to be vulnerable to be authentic and real for the other person. We have to go into those conversations with the attitude that we will open up first. Once we do, the other person is likely to share her own personal experiences, both encouraging and challenging.
None of us are perfect. We all have flaws and wounds. When we only talk about the surface stuff or the good times, then we are not revealing who we really are. We are not fooling anyone! If anything, sharing only the good and avoiding the challenging may actually push others away rather than drawing them closer. We will also hurt our friends from time to time due to our flaws, imperfections, and past wounds. We will say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing. Rather than run away or write them off during the challenges, we need to offer GRACE and allow for communication, clarification and forgiveness to grow closer and move on together.
When we share from the personal and tender places of our hearts, the seeds for deeper friendships are planted in ripe soil to prepare for future growth. The time spent together and continued honest and open conversation will allow those seeds to grow and flourish. God created us for relationship. He wants us to experience the benefits and fulfilment of the bonds shared with others as well as Him in all forms just like His own bonds with His Son and Holy Spirit.
“A sweet friendship refreshes the soul.”
~ Proverbs 27: 9
QUESTIONS TO PONDER: Questions I am asking myself too!
- Who are your closest friends?
- Are you able to pore out your heart with them? Call them at anytime for even the smallest things?
- If not, why do you think that is?
- Challenge: Call a friend and set up a girls night out!
PRAYER: Dear Lord, thank you for our friends. For the people we are able to share life together, grow closer to You together, and hold each other up when we are falling. We are stronger together, Lord, especially with you at the center. Help us remember to nourish these relationships with our time, patience, and grace towards one another. Thank you, Jesus. Amen.
Hugs & blessings,
Stacy
by Stacy Turley | Jun 3, 2022 | Life's Journey |
I remember one time my husband was telling a story to some friends of ours about how a complete stranger allowed me to drive his remote control plane at a campsite where we stayed in Texas. Mind you, this was not an inexpensive device back in the 1990’s! I was so embarrassed because I was convinced it was not me who flew the plane, but must have been another girl he dated before we got married. I pulled on his arm and whispered quickly in his ear, “Babe! That was not me. It must have been someone else you dated.” Of course, our friends overheard my exclamation and laughed. My husband laughed the most as he remembered every detail of our trip from where we stayed to what we did. If he tried hard enough he would likely remember what we were wearing that day! Not me. That memory was long gone!
Isn’t it funny how so many of our memories from great times and new adventures, slowly fade away over time? At least that seems to be what happens to me. However, I have memories from some of the more challenging times of my life that I am able to recall as if they happened yesterday. I remember the details of the events and even the emotions that I felt. I can bring back the pain and hurt if I think on it for too long.
As I mentioned in Behind The Scenes #5, when I was younger, I experienced an abusive relationship. It was a very painful and confusing time for me. It occurred during a time when I was still trying to figure out who I was and where I belonged. This relationship changed what I thought of myself. I felt shame and blame for what happened to me. I thought I brought it on myself and that I deserved the way I was treated. This lie changed how I was able to deal with other people for many years. It impacted future relationships with trust and control issues. I struggled with barriers and walls that kept me from being known by others for fear of judgement and abandonment. I did not like myself and felt that others would not like me either if they knew who I was and what happened in my past. So…I buried this part of my life and stuffed it in a closet that I never planned to open again.
With the trauma locked up, I tried to move on with life as if nothing happened. I lied to myself that everything was “fine” and no one would know that anything had changed. But people knew I was behaving differently. I was pushing people away who cared about me. I was keeping secrets and avoiding conversations. I was sabotaging relationships out of fear of getting hurt again. I feared making new friends, dating, being authentic in who I was. I tried to act the way I thought other people wanted me to act and look how other people wanted me to look. I struggled with eating disorders along my journey at times in order to bring control to my life when my emotions and life seemed out of control. I began to lose sight of who I was, what I needed, and even if God actually loved me. I felt unlovable. I was hurting others and myself by keeping my pain and experiences a secret and letting them fester in the dark.
“‘Hurt people hurt people’ is more than a clever phrase….As that damage causes us to become defensive and self-protective, we lash out at others. Hurting becomes a vicious cycle.” – from Dr. Sandra D. Wilson, Hurt People Hurt People
Thankfully, God did not let me stay in the dark, where the enemy thrives to ruin our lives and our hope. God placed people in my life who loved me unconditionally. I eventually was able to bring into the light what had happened. I had people who stood by me and spoke Truth to me. The more I talked about it and recognized who I was in Jesus, the easier it became to release the chains that it had wrapped around my heart, my relationships, and my mind. I began to heal and find hope again. I recognized that even in these areas of great pain and self-harm in my life, God was molding me to grow in character, wisdom and compassion for others who have struggled with pain, abuse and addictions of all kinds.
My, Sweet Circle. We are not perfect, nor have we ever been called to be. We will still sin. We will still behave poorly. We will be hurt and hurt others. We will still have to face the consequences of our actions. BUT…oh, how I LOVE the “but”!! BUT, we are worthy and valuable, fully known, completely loved exactly how we are through the blood of Jesus and His victory over sin. HIS victory becomes OUR victory. We do not have to be a victim any longer. And we do not have to seek perfection or “get better” before we can come to Jesus for help. Our freedom from the chains of sin is easy. We believe in our Lord and Savior, Jesus. And we are forgiven by our faith in Him. That’s it.
Our journeys may still be difficult and we may still stumbled BUT we rise again with a clean slate of forgiveness through our faith in Jesus when we confess and repent of our sin.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
– 1 John 1:9
I may not remember all the good stories. BUT, I am celebrating how God is working in my life every day to redeem the places of pain. God transforms our pain to beauty through His mercy, healing, and love. Thank you, Jesus! Amen! Amen!
QUESTIONS TO PONDER:
- Where are you hurting?
- Is your hurt impacting your relationships and your behavior?
- What is one step you can take today to walk towards getting help and finding healing?
PRAYER: Abba, Father. we are hurting and we need your love and your salvation. We do not need to hide from you for you already know us fully and created us with intention. Please help us to see the value and worth we have in your eyes and not rely on the world to define and judge who we are. We are already treasured by you and crafted for purpose by you. You are love. And you promise that if we live in love we live in you, and you in us. (1 John 4:16) You will never leave us alone. (Deuteronomy 31:6) If we call your name, believe in Jesus as our Savior, and accept your forgiveness through faith, we will be saved. (Romans 4:5) Thank you, Lord, for your love, healing power and forgiveness. Amen.
Hugs & blessings, my Friends,
Stacy
by Stacy Turley | Mar 7, 2022 | Life's Journey |
My story like many of your stories has been shaped by joy, pain, love, abuse, great relationships and not-so-great relationships, great choices and not-so-great choices. Like a mountain range, my experiences are varied and filled with highs and lows. But most importantly, my story has been made complete when I found the love of Jesus. I am Worthy…You are Worthy…just as we are through the blood of Jesus’ sacrifice for our sins. And I know that all these experiences have grown my faith and groomed me to be the woman I am today. The Word of God reminds us that our trials bring perseverance, character, and hope. We can rejoice not only in our mountain-top experiences but also in the lowlands of the valleys.
“More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” – Romans 5:3-5 (ESV)
I know I still make mistakes, and I will never be perfect. I struggle with comparison, self-doubt, anxiety, and low self-esteem. At times, I have felt there was no escape from these feelings. I have felt alone, unworthy, “not enough” in multiple areas of my life, and maybe even a little depressed at times. But I also know that I love the Lord who saved me from my sin, and I feel His love in return.
By surrendering my life to Jesus, I know I have God’s hand to hold through the celebrations and the challenges…
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. – Psalm 139:9-10 (NIV)
And His Spirit reminds me over and over of my value and worth in Him…
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. – Psalm 139:14 (NIV)
He is there for me to lean on…
I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. – Psalm 121:1 (NIV)
He promises never to abandon me…
So do not fear, for I am with you; Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)
God knows me even more than I know myself…
Oh LORD, you have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down. And are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O LORD, You know it all. – Psalm 139:1-4 (ESV)
Sweet Circle of Friends, I know many of us struggle with these same issues. I feel your pain. I have experienced some of the same pain. I also see our victories and triumphs as we rise out of the valleys with Jesus in the lead. I hope we share our stories with each other to bring hope, healing, and encouragement. I also hope we grow a rich, thriving community with each other as Sisters in Christ.
More to come on my journey in future posts. Come back and let’s continue to share together and celebrate each other.
Hugs & blessings, Sweet Circle,
Stacy
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