I have been on a journey to develop and deepen my friendships with other women. (See Life’s Journey #3 for more on this.) I have felt that I have a lot of general friendships, but not many deep friendships where I feel that it is safe to talk to them about anything, at anytime, and without judgement. Other women with whom I may go on girls’ trips or a girls’ night out or simply stop by their house to catch up unannounced. So being the Type A / planner / overachiever / list-maker / Enneagram 1 person that I am, I felt like I needed to come up with a strategy to “make” this happen and do it “right” as well as some questions on how to execute this strategy well. Here are some of the bullets I wrote down: (Please hold your laughter.)
FRIENDSHIP STRATEGY & QUESTIONS:
- I need to find three other friends who are interested in developing deeper friendships together.
- I need to get us all to read the same book on friendship to discuss and work through ideas.
- I need to schedule weekly get-togethers face-to-face with all of us because studies show that people develop closer relationships when they spend time together.
- Do I need to invite the three other people?
- Or do I ask my friend(s) to also bring a friend?
- If we don’t all know each other, will this still work?
- Do we add outings/activities along with the meetings or is this in place of meetings?
Seriously…I actually took this list with me to one of my recent counseling sessions to discuss since I was having difficulty figuring out how I was going to get this to work. Oh, boy! Even as I read this now I am embarrassed that I wrote it, let alone, discussed it with my counselor. I can only imagine the notes she took on that session! To say I am an overthinker may be an understatement. As all good Enneagram 1’s, I have a constant inner voice that is evaluating every scenario and judging myself on how I responded or behaved. I am constantly thinking in terms of black or white & right or wrong. I seem to find few gray areas when I am in an unhealthy state of thinking.
WHAT AM I GRATEFUL FOR IN ALL OF THIS?
- My counselor’s wise advice. She gently told me that maybe “a more organic approach” would be better in my desire to deepen some of my relationships. Rather than the rigid structure and rules that I was trying to define.
- Yep!! Good idea!! I think I would have scared friends away with my strategy rather than draw them near for a deeper, more authentic friendships.
- Scripture about friendships and relationships to help guide me while keeping God at the center.
- See below for some verses to encourage and support all of us in our relationships.
A FEW FAVORITE VERSES ON FRIENDSHIP:
- Proverbs 17:17 – “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
- Proverbs 27:17 – “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”
- John 15:13-15 – Jesus stated, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”
- 1 Corinthians 15:33 – “Do not be misled: Bad company corrupts good character.”
If you Join the Circle, then you will receive my FREE Scripture Journaling Worksheet on Friendship and Relationships in the Circle of Friends Chat-Mail Newsletter coming out in July 2022.
Our attitude towards ourselves, others, and our Lord will define our relationships. The Truth of God’s Word will help us understand not only what makes us a good friend to each other, but also the tremendous value we will experience within these deep relationships. We are not perfect. We will make mistakes along the way and need to seek forgiveness for our actions from our friends. But with a solid foundation of time, trust and experiences together as well as the example we have in Christ to offer forgiveness, we have hope that our closest friends will be with us to walk through this life together even through the tough times.
QUESTIONS TO PONDER: Please share your thoughts in the Comments section.
- Who are your closest friends?
- What qualities or characteristics in the relationships have facilitated the deep connection you experience with these friends?
- How do you handle conflicts, disagreements, and painful circumstances with your friends?
PRAYER:
Abba, Father. Your Word is filled with wise advice on how we are to treat others and be in healthy relationships with each other. Your Truth about healthy relationships is not as the world defines it, but it is based on love, trust, and forgiveness as displayed in your Son, Jesus. Thank you for the gifts of your Son who walked with us on earth and died for our sins; the Holy Spirit who is in us to guide and counsel us; and your unconditional love which sets an example of how we may love others the way you love us. Lord, this is not an easy task. Please give us the strength and patience to forgive and love well; to have a servant’s heart; and to be a good friend. Amen
Hugs & blessings, Sweet Circle,
Stacy
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