“Writing…Really? Writing…This can’t be right. Writing…I am not trained for this. Writing…what would I say? Who would listen? Writing…What if I say the wrong thing? Writing…oh, boy!”
My mind was filled with doubts and fear. However, God was not done planting seeds in my mind to help me overcome these doubts, step out in faith, and surrender to Him. He has gently persisted in revealing His plan. And He has firmly reminded me that it is His plan, His words, and His strength that will work through me…not my own. My desire to hear His voice spurred me on in prayer. My prayers allowed God to open my eyes and ears to an awareness that I did not perceive before. I cried out to Him for direction. My plea included phrases like,
- “Don’t leave me in the wilderness, Lord.”
- “Help me hear you, Jesus.”
- “Help me say YES even if I am afraid or feel ‘not good enough’. For it is not me but YOU that I want people to hear.”
Here are the places God met me:
- I received an email from an online Christian devotional site asking if I would be interested in submitting a writing sample to them in order to apply to be a devotional writer. I don’t recall receiving this ever in the past.
- My step: Sadly, nothing. I did not submit a sample, but I did feel God leading me to consider this calling.
- I received an email from Proverbs 31 Ministries to attend a women’s conference called She Speaks for writers and speakers. Again, this was the first time I recall receiving this information on this conference.
- My step: I signed up for the conference!
- I read several devotionals over the subsequent weeks about other servants of God where God was telling them that their wait was over. It was time for them to take the next steps. I felt God saying a similar message in my spirit.
- My step: I spent time in praise and prayer letting God know I see Him moving, and I hear His message for me being affirmed.
- As the She Speaks conference approached, I realized I could not attend the weekend of the conference as I was going to be helping my son pack to move from Indiana to Washington D.C. on a Friday night and then flying out on Sunday to help my daughter move from Indiana to Oregon.
- My step: Doubt and fear. “Did I misunderstand you, Lord?”
- I called the conference coordinator to tell them of my dilemma. To my surprise, they said that the entire conference is videotaped, and I could watch it anytime I wanted to on my own time.
- My step: Praise to God. He provided a window!
- I watched the She Speaks conference online. It was so powerful and provided tools and guidance I much needed on writing and speaking. It also comforted me that other writers and speakers had to overcome doubts and fears when they got started too.
- My step: I wrote my Calling Statement. A Calling Statement is a unique filter to make decisions based on God’s vision and provision for us.
- I received a call from one of our associate pastors at church. She had two women who were looking for a mentor. She said she thought of me and wanted to know if I would meet with them.
- My step: I said YES. I met with one of them and we are still meeting over a year later. We support and encourage each other and I am practicing sharing my faith with her.
Not only does God continue to affirm His plan for me, He also helps me battle the doubt and fear that still sneaks up on me.
- The last speaker of the 2020 She Speaks conference was Jennie Allen. She wrote a book called Get Out of Your Head. Jennie shared how one of the most important battles we will face in life is the battle in our minds. We must find victory of the negative thoughts that circle over and over in our minds. The enemy loves to fill our minds with lies. We must fight this battle with the Truth of God’s Word.
- My step: I bought the book and read it with a friend to discuss and process.
- The same week, I noticed a book on my shelf that caught my eye called, The Storm Inside by Sheila Walsh. It continued to speak God’s Truth to me about overcoming the lies and doubts with God’s Truth of faith and trust.
- My step: I read the book and found many of the same messages from Get Out of You Head. I felt God’s whispers assuring me to keep pressing on. Thank you, Jesus.
- At the same time, I lead a women’s ministry small group at church called Chasing Vines by Beth Moore. So many messages of hope, resilience, and trust that God will walk with us in our calling. It is not to be done on our own but with Him. He is in the lead.
All of these books, speakers, and experiences have become sources of Truth for me. I heard in the words and wisdom of these women writers and speakers that God’s plan is better than my plan. God’s Truth will break the enemy. God’s purpose for me is perfect for where I am and how He has equipped me. He uses ordinary people for extraordinary work, and He does not require educational or societal credentials first. Thank you, Jesus.
Three lessons I learned in this journey of affirming my calling.
- My doubts and fears are not from God. Doubt and fear are from the enemy trying to stop me from doing God’s work.
- God is asking me to step out in faith…to say YES to His purpose for me. I only need to take the steps, but He will complete the tasks, touch the hearts, and change the lives of His people.
- This is about God’s work, not my work. I am a vessel He uses…an obedient servant. I hope to be smaller so that He may be bigger. I want women to hear His message of hope, not my words.
Look for upcoming post for more at Behind the Scenes #3: Two Steps Forward, One Step Back.
Hugs and blessings, Sweet Circle,
Stacy
Recent Comments