God whispered to me, “That’s your win.” My response, “Wait. What?? What’s my win?”

Can you imagine? This was the exchange I felt in my soul on Tuesday, February 21, 2023, while I was walking my dog, Grizzly. Let me back up to the events on Monday, February 20th…

On Monday, February 20th, I had my second, annual, ophthalmology appointment with my eye doctor to check for signs of progress of my autoimmune disease spreading to my eyes. It was supposed to be a quick, 15-minute appointment. However, my doctor quickly changed the plans for my appointment when he saw that I was on a medication that has a side effect of causing blindness. I had forgotten that I was switched to this medicine after my last appointment. He was extremely attentive, caring and flexible that other tests had to be run and he did not want me to leave before we had a complete understanding of my eye health.

My quick 15 minute, in-and-out appointment turned into two hours! After several scans, peripheral tests, cross section scans of my eyes, etc. the doctor gave me a perfect report on my right eye. He said that my right eye was in perfect health with everything where it should be and nothing added! Then he said to me, “Now, for your left eye.” Pause…. I thought, “Hmmm, this intro does not sound so good.”

He pulled out the cross-section picture of my left eye and showed me the results. Three obvious lumps were visible on the cross-section. He said, “These lumps are not supposed to be there.” He reviewed the three potential causes for the lumps with me.

• First, it could be the result of the medication. He said it would be extremely rare for the medication to make a change to the eye this fast. If it did, it would normally effect both eyes at the same time not just the one.
• Second, it could be the start of macular degeneration. He said if I was over 75 years old then he would positively diagnose macular degeneration. However, being only 53 years old, this disease would also be rare to develop this early.
• Third, he said he had no idea what the cause was at this point.

Since this was my first, baseline exam with the tests performed, he had no other results to compare to my current status. He suggested we wait a year and retest to see how quickly the lumps are changing, if at all. He advised that I stay on my current medication at this time.

After discussing the lumps, the doctor mentioned that his second concern was my dosage of medication. He said I was taking double the amount of milligrams than was recommended by the FDA based on my weight. He said that my risk of experiencing negative side effects involving my sight was much higher since I was on such a high dosage. He recommended that I immediately reduce my medication to the recommended amount. Thankfully, he was proactive to say that he would immediately write my prescribing doctor a letter advising her of the recommended dosage change. Unfortunately, that may mean that my autoimmune symptoms with spike again.

The combination of these two new data points on my health caused me to experience a bit of increased anxiety for the rest of the day. My thoughts were swirling around the following statements:

• Really?? More issues?
• Will I lose my sight?
• Is this macular degeneration or something else?
• How long do I have before I notice my sight changing?
• Is it reversible?
• Why am I on the wrong dose of medication?
• If I change my medicine dosage will my autoimmune flare up again?
• Will I be able to tolerate additional pain and sores?

You get the picture…Now the good stuff!

The next morning I was walking my Grizzly-bear for our daily, 5:00 a.m., power walk around the subdivision. I had been practicing silence, solitude and prayer on our daily walks for about a week. At the end of my prayer-time before I was silent to listen for Him, I had been asking God to speak to me, nudge me, or impress something on me. So far, each day I came away feeling that God chose not to say anything. On this Tuesday morning, after I poured out my questions to Him and asked for patience and comfort regarding this new eye issue. I also asked Him to please say something to me. Anything. I really wanted and needed to hear Him. In the moments that followed this cry for a response, I felt the impression of the Spirit say to me, “That’s your win.” My response, “Wait. What?? What’s my win?” You see, for 2023, I decided to find a WIN each day during this difficult season of health issues. I wanted to choose the positive side of life and find a WIN each day…no matter how large or small. I wanted to be grateful for all that I had and all that God was doing through me, for me and with me.

I thought back on what I had just prayed about…my eye, my stress, my questions. And I heard again in my spirit, “Yes. That’s your win.“

I felt like I heard God telling me, “I revealed this issue to you. That is your WIN. You never would have known this was a problem or a new concern had I not revealed it to you. Now, you know and now you can work together with your doctors to deal with this and treat it ,if needed. That’s your WIN for Monday.”

Immediately, I spoke words of joy, gratitude and praise into the silence of the early morning with only my sweet, loyal dog to hear me. Nothing else had changed in my circumstances or the results except my own attitude and perspective. The doctor made room for me that very morning to do the necessary tests on my eyes. I did not have to reschedule or wait for a longer slot to complete the tests. We found our answers that same day and had a plan that same day. God helped me see that I was choosing to feel anxiety over this situation rather than experiencing His blessing in it. I am blessed that we caught it early, and we know what to look out for now. He opened my eyes to see Him in this situation. My tiny shift in perspective resulted in an enormous shift in my attitude from anxiety to joy. Thank you, Jesus.

The lesson that I hope I never forget from this hour alone with God on Tuesday, February 21, 2023, between 5:00-6:00 a.m. is that I have a choice. I have the ability to choose joy in my day, to look for Him in even the smallest of events, and to remind myself that a change in perspective has the ability to move me from anxiety to gratitude.

And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper.

~1 Kings 19:12

Thanks for listening, Sweet Circle, I pray that you too may find joy in each day, that you find your WINs, and you see God moving in your life.

Hugs and blessings,

Stacy