God whispered to me, “That’s your win.” My response, “Wait. What?? What’s my win?”
Can you imagine? This was the exchange I felt in my soul on Tuesday, February 21, 2023, while I was walking my dog, Grizzly. Let me back up to the events on Monday, February 20th…
On Monday, February 20th, I had my second, annual, ophthalmology appointment with my eye doctor to check for signs of progress of my autoimmune disease spreading to my eyes. It was supposed to be a quick, 15-minute appointment. However, my doctor quickly changed the plans for my appointment when he saw that I was on a medication that has a side effect of causing blindness. I had forgotten that I was switched to this medicine after my last appointment. He was extremely attentive, caring and flexible that other tests had to be run and he did not want me to leave before we had a complete understanding of my eye health.
My quick 15 minute, in-and-out appointment turned into two hours! After several scans, peripheral tests, cross section scans of my eyes, etc. the doctor gave me a perfect report on my right eye. He said that my right eye was in perfect health with everything where it should be and nothing added! Then he said to me, “Now, for your left eye.” Pause…. I thought, “Hmmm, this intro does not sound so good.”
He pulled out the cross-section picture of my left eye and showed me the results. Three obvious lumps were visible on the cross-section. He said, “These lumps are not supposed to be there.” He reviewed the three potential causes for the lumps with me.
First, it could be the result of the medication. He said it would be extremely rare for the medication to make a change to the eye this fast. If it did, it would normally effect both eyes at the same time not just the one.
Second, it could be the start of macular degeneration. He said if I was over 75 years old then he would positively diagnose macular degeneration. However, being only 53 years old, this disease would also be rare to develop this early.
Third, he said he had no idea what the cause was at this point.
Since this was my first, baseline exam with the tests performed, he had no other results to compare to my current status. He suggested we wait a year and retest to see how quickly the lumps are changing, if at all. He advised that I stay on my current medication at this time.
After discussing the lumps, the doctor mentioned that his second concern was my dosage of medication. He said I was taking double the amount of milligrams than was recommended by the FDA based on my weight. He said that my risk of experiencing negative side effects involving my sight was much higher since I was on such a high dosage. He recommended that I immediately reduce my medication to the recommended amount. Thankfully, he was proactive to say that he would immediately write my prescribing doctor a letter advising her of the recommended dosage change. Unfortunately, that may mean that my autoimmune symptoms with spike again.
The combination of these two new data points on my health caused me to experience a bit of increased anxiety for the rest of the day. My thoughts were swirling around the following statements:
Really?? More issues?
Will I lose my sight?
Is this macular degeneration or something else?
How long do I have before I notice my sight changing?
Is it reversible?
Why am I on the wrong dose of medication?
If I change my medicine dosage will my autoimmune flare up again?
Will I be able to tolerate additional pain and sores?
You get the picture…Now the good stuff!
The next morning I was walking my Grizzly-bear for our daily, 5:00 a.m., power walk around the subdivision. I had been practicing silence, solitude and prayer on our daily walks for about a week. At the end of my prayer-time before I was silent to listen for Him, I had been asking God to speak to me, nudge me, or impress something on me. So far, each day I came away feeling that God chose not to say anything. On this Tuesday morning, after I poured out my questions to Him and asked for patience and comfort regarding this new eye issue. I also asked Him to please say something to me. Anything. I really wanted and needed to hear Him. In the moments that followed this cry for a response, I felt the impression of the Spirit say to me, “That’s your win.” My response, “Wait. What?? What’s my win?” You see, for 2023, I decided to find a WIN each day during this difficult season of health issues. I wanted to choose the positive side of life and find a WIN each day…no matter how large or small. I wanted to be grateful for all that I had and all that God was doing through me, for me and with me.
I thought back on what I had just prayed about…my eye, my stress, my questions. And I heard again in my spirit, “Yes. That’s your win.“
I felt like I heard God telling me, “I revealed this issue to you. That is your WIN. You never would have known this was a problem or a new concern had I not revealed it to you. Now, you know and now you can work together with your doctors to deal with this and treat it ,if needed. That’s your WIN for Monday.”
Immediately, I spoke words of joy, gratitude and praise into the silence of the early morning with only my sweet, loyal dog to hear me. Nothing else had changed in my circumstances or the results except my own attitude and perspective. The doctor made room for me that very morning to do the necessary tests on my eyes. I did not have to reschedule or wait for a longer slot to complete the tests. We found our answers that same day and had a plan that same day. God helped me see that I was choosing to feel anxiety over this situation rather than experiencing His blessing in it. I am blessed that we caught it early, and we know what to look out for now. He opened my eyes to see Him in this situation. My tiny shift in perspective resulted in an enormous shift in my attitude from anxiety to joy. Thank you, Jesus.
The lesson that I hope I never forget from this hour alone with God on Tuesday, February 21, 2023, between 5:00-6:00 a.m. is that I have a choice. I have the ability to choose joy in my day, to look for Him in even the smallest of events, and to remind myself that a change in perspective has the ability to move me from anxiety to gratitude.
And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper.
~1 Kings 19:12
Thanks for listening, Sweet Circle, I pray that you too may find joy in each day, that you find your WINs, and you see God moving in your life.
For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.
I was walking my dog Grizzly this week early in the morning, and I was shocked at the strength of the wind. It pushed against us constantly, blowing between 20 and 25 mph. The wind flapped Grizzly ears and whipped my hair in all directions. In the quiet of the morning during our walk, I reflected on how the qualities of the wind remind me of the presence of God and also my faith in Him.
The wind that morning was powerful, physical, and constantly present. I could not see it but there was no doubt that the wind was real. I contemplated how the force of the wind had the potential to be gentle and soothing as in the light breezes that flow off the ocean water, or the wind that tickles the stalks in the fields of corn, or the breezes that brush through our yards and playgrounds. It soothes us from the heat of a summer day on the beach, or at a ball field, or when we are working in our yard. Yet it can also be very violent and destructive to everything in its path such as in a tornado. Either way, the effects of the unseen wind are evident. Just as the effects of our unseen God are evident.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
We have proof in the stories of the Bible and in our own lives where God’s presence may feel like a gentle breeze or a violent gust of the wind, at different times. Jesus shows His gentle side in His compassion and care for the sinners, the lost, and the hurting. He also shows His might in the correction we experience through the consequences of our actions. Yet this correction is meant to remind us of our need for Him. He desires a loving relationship with us and for us to turn our lives back to him in faith and trust… not to harm us and turn us away. His correction is similar, yet even more pure, than a parent correcting and disciplining their child in the hopes that they will stop their harmful behavior. God is good. He loves us. He wants the best for us and His kingdom!
I have felt God’s presence in the midst of my troubles. My obstacles may not go away but they also will not last forever. If left on my own, I would more likely be freaking out and obsessed with myself and my issues. However, the peace and strength that I feel in the midst of my trials come from the Lord. And when I fix my gaze on the Lord, I experience renewed hope and faith in the unseen God and my eternal future with Him.
For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.
I am so thankful that the God promises me that He will stand with me through my trials, and He offers me the gifts of the Holy Spirit in me…love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. (Galatians 5:22)
God may not be visible to my human eyes, but just like the wind, He is real, present and powerful. His promises are ETERNAL. His will is FINAL. And His glory, love , mercy, and grace are INFINITE! Praise God. He is calling us to His kingdom and His forgiveness. He promises forgiveness and a home in eternity with Him. Let’s take hold of it and be free of our bondage to the world.
PRAYER:
Abba, Father. You are my Father, my Creator, and my Savior. You are powerful and present. Just as the wind is invisible yet present, so are you unseen to my human eyes yet present in my life. You offer us grace, love beyond our understanding, mercy, and forgiveness. Thank you, Jesus, for your sacrifice on our behalf and our home with you in eternity. Amen.
QUESTIONS / IDEAS TO PONDER:
How have you “seen” the unseen God move in your life?
Write out Matthew 11:28-30. Read through it a few times. What word or phrase stands out to you? Why do you think this word or phrase is important to you at this time in your life?
My new t-shirt reads, “I CONQUERED GROS PITON!” That’s right! My hubby and I completed this hike on Saturday, February 4th, 2023. It was likely the most difficult hike I have ever completed. The journey up the mountain was filled with boulders, uneven terrain, and steep climbs! Our legs were burning and shaking with fatigue. Our lungs were straining to get enough air from our exertions. Our hearts were beating out of our chests. We were soaked with sweat. And we craved water for our thirst.
The hike reminded me a bit of my journey in life in this world, at times…
Life is hard.
I feel fatigued and drained.
I am out of breath from the pain and grief of heartache and loss.
I am shaky from my emotions due to my trials, challenges, and anxiety.
I am thirsty for more depth of community and closeness with friends, family, and my Savior.
Our Lord does not leave us alone in our suffering or in our journey. If we invite Him into our lives and accept Him as our Savior, He promises to never…NEVER…leave us. He will be with us always, strengthening us and guiding us in our journey. I was struck by this similarity on the hike. The guide did not leave us or give up on us. She walked ahead of us…providing guidance and encouragement on how to navigate the climb. She sensed when we needed rest, but also pushed us to continue and to not give up.
Jesus does the same for His people. Scripture is filled with His words of encouragement to press on and to let Him guide our life. The stories of the Bible describe over and over how much God loves us, His great displays of mercy and grace, His intervention on of His people, and ultimately His sacrifice of His own perfect son, Jesus, to save us from sin and ourselves. The Bible is a love story. It is a love story of our Creator to His creation. Below are only a few verses speaking to God’s encouragement to us to press on and fight the good fight for the Kingdom of God; words of His love; and the Truth about His plans for us.
1 Timothy 6:12, ESV
Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.
Romans 8:35, 37-39 (NLT)
Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?
No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Yes, life is hard. BUT we have Jesus standing strong beside us to lift us up! (Isaiah 41:10, Ephesians 3:16)
Yes, we will feel pain and loss. BUT we have Jesus and the Holy Spirit to provide us peace beyond our understanding. (John 14:27)
Yes, we thirst for more out of this life that leaves us parched. BUT we have the promise from Jesus that He offers us living water where we will never thirst again. (John 4)
I never thought I would be able to do a hike like this at this point in my life. With my anxiety issues, on-going pain, and vertigo, I thought this would be impossible. But I was wrong. I did it! I am praying that you have confidence through the power of Jesus, determination to press on through the trials, and hope for the future bounty of eternal life. All things are possible with God and He will never leave you alone.
QUESTIONS TO PONDER:
What mountain is in your path of life today?
How do you feel about it? Fear? Anxiety? Challenged? Determined?
What first step are you willing to take today to climb up and press on through it?
Please share your thoughts in the comments. Your story will be an encouragement to all of us and we want to encourage you in your journey!
Hugs & blessings, Sweet Circle,
Stacy
Gros Piton in St. Lucia is the mountain in the front. It stands 2,619 feet tall.Pat…my hubby…and I at the half way point with Petit Piton in the background.We made it to the TOP!! Yay!!
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